Wet the Fuck

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Dear Sasha,

I discovered female ejaculation about four years ago, and have been joyfully squirting on myself and others ever since. About a month ago, though, after I had rough sex involving lots of ejaculating, a swollen lump of flesh appeared on my vulva, about the size and shape of a slug (gross, but the only comparison I can think of). After a few days, the swelling went down, but I was left with some new flesh close to my urethra, and every time I’ve had sex since, my new bit has become swollen. I suspect that it’s connected to the glands and fluids that create female ejaculate.

I’ve got a doctor’s appointment booked, but, like so many people, I’ve had bad experiences with sex-negative gynos, and I’m worried that she’ll dismiss my self-diagnosis or, worse, not know how female ejaculation works. Are you up on your ejaculation research? Have you ever heard of someone’s ejaculation-gland-thing coming out of their body?

-Freaked Out and Terrified I’ll Never Ejaculate Again

Dear Freaked,

I sought out the opinions of three women I know in the field of female ejaculation and/or sexual education and got some pretty divergent feedback — keeping in mind, of course, that none of them have examined you personally.

“I kind of doubt that it is new skin, but, rather, the corrugated engorged female phallus,” says Shannon Bell, performance philosopher, academic, fast feminist and ejaculation workshop leader. “I would recommend chapter two, “The Female Phallus,” of my book Fast Feminism. Reverse Kegels can work to release swelling. Pumping the fluid out and Kegels do make the glands and ducts surrounding the urethra bigger.”

“Definitely see a doctor for an internal exam,” she says, “but to me, it sounds like a female phallus quick to arousal — and if there is no pain, enjoy.”

As I mentioned, Bellalso teaches ejaculation workshops, so if you can find one locally or you’re willing to travel, try to make your way to one of them. They are offered mostly through Come As You Are.

Lyba Spring is a sex educator who has worked at Toronto Public Health and has now gone independent.

“When she says ‘new flesh,’ it could be anything from a skin tag to a polyp to a swollen vestibular gland or Bartholin’s gland cyst,” says Spring.  “I am neither a doctor nor a nurse, but she does need to see a doctor who may or may not want to biopsy this bit of flesh.  She does not even need to talk about ejaculating if she doesn’t feel comfortable disclosing this part of her enjoyment, but the rough sex description will be useful to her doc.”

Spring suggests you have a look at this documentary, In Search of the G-Spot, on the CBC’s website. I watched it yesterday and, once again, was amazed that we still don’t have hard and fast knowledge when it comes to this action, its anatomy, fluid and possible side effects. But I guess thousands of years of mythologizing, denigrating and suppressing female sexuality is bound to have some obscuring effect, right?

As Bellso aptly puts it in Fast Feminism, doctors like John Perry and Gary Schubach “continue to play off one another’s research.” One thing that didn’t surprise me at all is that plastic surgeons have gotten in on the G-Spot game and are injecting collagen into the area to “improve” women’s internal orgasms. The timeless combination of pleasure and panic has always been a goldmine.

Carlyle Jansen from Good For Her says, “I have heard of some women’s Skene’s glands, in the urethra, where ejaculate comes out, or Bartholin’s glands, near the opening to the vagina, which add a little lubrication at beginning of arousal, becoming swollen.”

Jansen recommends Sheri Winston’s book Women’s Anatomy of Arousal. “She describes these glands in better detail than anyone I have known,” she says.

My personal opinion? I’m going to bet you 20 bucks that you will ejaculate again. I know it’s hard to imagine, again because of thousands of years of sexual shaming and misguidance, to believe that when we’ve had “too much fun” with our genitals, we have broken them, but for the most part, it’s just not true. Sure, sometimes we do things that compromise their workability, but they are resilient, these organs.


PIERCING QUESTIONS

Dear Sasha,

I am going through a bit of a renaissance with my sexuality and body image — though, in this case, the word renaissance doesn’t imply that I’m being reborn. I think it’s more appropriate to say I’m being born after years of erotic oppression.

I want to have my labia pierced. Thing is, I’m 67. I’ve been through menopause and am aware that the skin on my vulva and in my vagina is thinner. Will this be an issue? And can you recommend any good piercings shops or studios where a woman past her prime, so to speak, will not be treated like a relic or a curiosity?

 

-Monica

Dear Monica,

BDSM professional Morpheous suggests you look at the work of Fakir Musafar, who is the grandfather of the modern primitive movement, and who, at 82, continues to explore intense body modification.

“A reputable piercing company will be sensitive and take the right amount of time to make sure she gets what she wants and that it’s right for her genital type,” Morpheous says. “The best guy I know is here: http://sixbodyart.com. His work is exceptional, and he is very nice and professional.”

I spoke with Six, and he says the only concern in piercing older skin is the obvious sagging that comes with putting a weighted piece in less elastic flesh. Six has pierced many older people and says, “An eyebrow or an earlobe is not as strong, so a month after, it sags a little bit.” Genital work on a male or female would produce a similar effect.

A mid-range gauge — so ten or twelve — is apparently your best bet because, Six says, “A smaller gauge would tear a lot easier, and a larger piece would really sag.”

Six’s website provides a good template for what you should be looking for in a reputable piercer. Don’t be shy to ask questions and visit the spaces in advance that seem decent to you. ■

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